Mac is 4 (Waaaah!)

Macario recently turned four and I can't even believe I am mom to a 4 year old!

His turning 4 has opened up a world of new opportunities for Mac.  He has been too young to do some of the things he has been interested in doing like going to a particular science museum in our town or participating in certain rec sports or take music lessons.

But for his birthday, Mac got to run in his first race!  He was so excited about doing it and being like his daddy.  Watching him run the race was an experience I will never forget. I was so proud that he completed the race happily (I saw some moms carrying their crying kids to the finish line) and and I was proud that he was so confident in doing so.  I asked Aaron to run with him because I was worried he would get overwhelmed like some of the kids did. I'm sure Mac enjoyed having his dad run the race with him, but he didn't need the help which also made me proud (and very emotional).  For some reason I worried that he would get overwhelmed and not want to finish the race or not want to participate at all.  For some reason I was expecting him to act a little less mature about it than he did, but I should have known better.  That reason is that I still look at him like he's my baby, but he's very much grown up and he thoroughly enjoyed himself.

It's hard not to think of him as a baby though.  I see that we're in a transition phase because, even though he is still so young and not completely independent I know he doesn't want or need us to hover over him - making sure things don't go wrong or he doesn't experience failure, pain or disappointment.  However those experiences are all part of life and he is old enough (intellectually) to go through experiences without us doing our part to make everything OK all the time.

The time for me to back off completely will eventually come and though I know he'll always need me, he already doesn't need me as much as he used to anymore.  That's a heavy concept for a mom to wrap her head heart around.

 Mac tells me "I can do it myself."  He even helps his brother and sister like a true big brother.  It warms my heart to see that he loves to take care of them and that he always will.  Being that he's the oldest, Aaron and I always remind him that he has to do right and show his brother and sister to do right as well, but I do try not to burden him.  I'm the oldest and I felt a heavy burden as a child. Still, Mac embraces it which is wonderful.

I carried this boy in my womb for 41 weeks.  I labored for approximately 72 hours and I have given him every bit of my efforts since the day he was born. The payoff is coming to me 10 fold (even though he does love to challenge me/us) and I just know that I would do it all again for him.

Clearly, I would do anything for this boy--give him the world if I thought it wast best for him. He is such an amazing gift (all my children are) and I just can't believe how blessed I am.