Update on the Kids (LONG)

Ava 2, Adrian 3, and Macario 5

The picture above was taken of the kids in March.  My sister helped me (she always helps me with photo sessions) and we got a few snaps of the kids for our annual birthday shoot.

The kids were behaving really silly and I felt like I was going to want to redo the pictures, but in the end I was happy with what we got and I mean, really, these kids are incapable of taking a bad photo.

Macario

My oh my this kid is growing fast.  He is currently still only 4, but we are quickly approaching his birthday and I was in tears yesterday when it hit me.  I know Aaron thought I was silly, but I feel like these last 5 years flew by more quickly than I could imagine.  I don't feel like I absorbed them enough and I feel like I wish I had taken more from them.

Mac is such a smart guy.  He currently does first grade level math (addition and subtraction) can read (sight words, CVC words and some other basic phonetic words).  

He loves to write letters and fold them up to give to people.  Recently, he made an entire stack of "letters" to give to all of Aaron's athletes who Mac refers to as his friends.

In addition to his academic development, Mac has become an official member of daddy's athletic organization.  He ran in a race last year and is preparing to run his second one soon as a member.

(I can't wait for his jersey to come in)

We purchased a music curriculum which teaches children about pitch, rhythm and reading music. He can play a few songs on his desk bells.

He and I have had some difficult moments.  My little smarty is too smart for his own good sometimes.  It's not easy to get him to simply "comply" like he used to.  He questions authority (in a good way) he notices inconsistencies and he has a memory like an elephant so he keeps us on our toes.  I noticed we needed a new more intellectual way of disciplining which involved more information than directing and so I incorporated a "Character Study" subject to our home school curriculum.

Each week we study a virtue or trait we value in ourselves and others.  So far we have studied Respect, Courtesy, Friendliness and this week we are on Cleanliness.  We read stories, watch a short film and recite the practice points of each virtue that we study and we (Aaron and I) refer to the practice points when we discipline the kids.

The gratification is gradual because this method of discipline takes time and consistency, but we have been rewarded on a couple of occasions.  For example, the week we studied Respect my sister in law told me that her son had been back talking her and when Mac noticed it he told his cousin, "you're not talking to your mom with respect.  You need to say sorry and remember to be respectful."  

Another time at the playground some older kids weren't playing nicely.  I noticed Mac following them around (I'm sure he was hoping they'd play with him) but they were being nasty to some of the kids so I called Mac over and reminded him that when we practice Respect we must also expect it from others and that when we are being friendly we trust that we are worthy of it in return.  Mac said, "yeah, so I'm not going to play with those other kids." I helped him refine himself a little but I'll be happy if he learns he doesn't have to be unkind to fit in and that it's ok to play by yourself if the alternative is compromising yourself to fit in.

I can see that we're at the beginning of a long road.

Our pediatrician is impressed with him too.  The kids had their well checks and all was "well" but this time the doctor spent a solid chunk of time just bonding with the kids and it made me happy to see their trust growing and developing with him. 

All in all though things are going well.

Adrian

Mr. Adrian. My little Adrian.  This guy is his dad's clone. He is very different from Mac (who is a lot like me) so I struggled to relate to Adrian for a long time.  Not that I feel I relate to him any more now, because I still feel like we are very different as individuals, but I'm starting to understand him.

I haven't gone back and read past updates, but in case I haven't mentioned it, I used to feel concerned for Adrian.

It started when he was a baby.  He did not like to be rocked to sleep.  He would arch his body and whip his head back until I placed him in bed and then he'd fall asleep contentedly.  I rocked Mac to sleep every night for 23 months, but was not able to do so with Adrian and so I assumed he was rejecting me because of it.

At 10 months he threw a fit so bad he dropped his weight and I had to catch him before he slammed his head on the tile in our entry way.

Eventually, when he was able to speak he would choose the mad face to represent his feelings that day (whereas mach always chose happy).  Adrian would say "I'm mad today."

He also had strong aversions to things in his environment like when they cracked the mirrored doors in their room, or only wanting red objects and only wanting to do things if he was made to feel that it was his idea.

I sought help from his pediatrician when he has a really violent response to the crack in the mirrored doors.  The pediatrician referred me to a child psychologist, but I decided not to take it that far quite yet.  Instead I did some studying of my own and I learned about Sensory-Processing Sensitivity which is a trait found in 15-20% of the population and in over 100 species.

People with the trait are called Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) and children can be referred to as Highly Sensitive Children (HSCs).  In any event the brains of HSPs or HSCs work a little differently than others.  HSPs are more aware of subtleties in their environment and cannot eliminate the stimulus (i.e., the crack in the mirror that freaked Adrian out).  HSPs are also more easily overwhelmed which is the case for Adrian.  When things are too intense, to chaotic or take too long he will leave the situation.  Sometimes when the kids are watching a show if a scene is too intense Adrian will ask to go play in his room and by too intense I mean spot being swept away in the flood water in the movie The Good Dinosaur.  

All in all I've learned a lot in the last year to the benefit of Adrian and my relationship.  When we met with the doctor for their well check he asked about progress on that and was happy to hear that we (Aaron and I) have taken the approach of adjusting ourselves to better meet Adrian's needs versus trying to find a way to make Adrian behave differently to better suit ourselves.  In the end he has improved and is actually a really happy kid.

He acknowledges his feelings.  If hes having a rough day he will say that he is having a bad day.  If he's having a good day he will say so.  Usually you can tell what kind of day he is going to have the moment he wakes up for the day and there is little we can do to alter the day once he's set out, but we knowing that helps eliminate a lot of power struggles.

I know I said we are nothing alike at all, but I will admit that the stubborn streak in Adrian comes from me and so we definitely did get into power struggles, but those are few and far between these days.

He is such a happy guy over all.  He's loving and sweet and really intelligent. I can't be certain of his abilities in academics because he has to be in the mood to participate in order to do things like recite his ABC's but he will listen as I recite them to him each day and he can match them up if I sit him down to play so I think he gets it and I have to come up with creative ways to test him, but it's a challenge I'm willing to accept.

Adrian is a beautiful artist.  I was brought to tears over a painting he did.  At the same age, everything Mac produced was muddy and lacked composition.  Adrian on the other hand is producing beautiful work (I'll share later) and what he produces "looks" happy to me. Seeing that makes me happy and is why I was brought to tears that first time.

He has challenged me so greatly as a parent, but I know we will all benefit from that.

Princess Ava

This girl lights up our lives (and gives us a run for our money too!)

Above all else, I have to say that I'm super grateful for the opportunity I've had to nurse her.  She is still nursing, though these days its all just for comfort.  I know she still gets some milk, but she only thinks to do it when she's hurt and when she's tired and sometimes I can say "not now" and she's fine with that too.

I try not to do that because I am still enjoying the situation, but if and when the time comes that I'm ready to wean her off before she's ready, I think it will be easy because her fingers are a great alternative.

Ava is a girly girl to the core.  In the picture at the bottom right she is making "pretty hands" which is something she made up.

Once, when she was several months younger than she is now, I found her walking around the house with her brother's tool box draped over her am and resting in the crook of her elbow as if she were carrying a purse.

She loves to be in a dress and LOVES to have her hair put in a bow or headband.  She calls them her pretties.

I once found her rifling through my purse and when I went to stop her she faced me and had lipstick smeared all over her cheeks, chin and around her mouth.

She likes to comb my hair and pretend she's putting eye shadow on me.

Her collection of "babies" (aka stuffed animals) has grown and she loves to mother them.  She wraps them in blankets, stuffs them in her shirt like its a baby carrier, she tucks them in and is very protective of them.

She's also very sassy and independent.  She doesn't want assistance with things.  Her favorite thing to say is "No." Her second favorite thing to say is, "My do it myself!"

The girl talks up a storm and her voice is so precious.

Lately she's been pretending to play the bells like her oldest brother and will repeat "Do, Re, Fa!" over and over again at the top of her lungs.  It's basically the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Despite the sass she is well-trained at using her manners because every princess needs to be gracious too, right? Ha ha!

Well that's about it on the kids.  Next I'll share pics of their Birthday Party.