Before I had my son, I was fairly certain I knew enough about taking care of a baby to make it through the first year and I figured we'd gain enough experience along the way to carry us through the rest of our lives.
Though I had lots of experience taking care of babies and had bulked myself up with additional knowledge by reading books, taking classes and asking questions, what I had never done was RAISE a child! I'll tell you there is a big difference between taking care of a child and raising one!
For some reason that had not occurred to me until just before I was about to deliver my son. I distinctly remember that thought flashing in my head one night late in my pregnancy, "I've never been responsible for raising a child! Do I really know how to do this?"
Turns out it comes naturally--at least it has to me and my husband. Though there have been bumps along the way, we've managed to make it through this year without much issue and have, so far, nurtured our baby into a healthy, happy and loving little boy!
Here are some of the lessons I've learned along the way:
Love will lead the way. No matter what you decide for your child, if you make a decision with love in your heart and your child's best interests in mind you won't go wrong. That isn't to say you won't make a mistake or face criticism, but if you stay true to who you are and let the love of your child guide you, I believe you can't go wrong.
Babies need space too. Some people are of the belief that if a baby cries, that must mean you are supposed to pick them up and fix whatever is wrong. I was that way at first, however, there was one day very early on when I had tried everything I could to calm my little guy. Finally I said to him, "Son, I don't know what else to do. I have to lay you down, I'm sorry." I gave him a kiss and snuggle, put him down in his bassinet and walked away. I hadn't been a way for a whole minute when he settled! There were several instances where he just needed some quiet alone time. It was reassuring to know that he wanted/needed alone time because up to that point I always felt guilty if I wasn't constantly stimulating him. *WARNING* as they get older they will stick to you like glue and act like they've never heard of the phrase "alone time".
It is important to speak up. Whether it be speaking up to your spouse, a family member, child care providers, doctors, strangers, etc. sometimes you have to speak up and be your child's advocate. When it comes to issues regarding myself, I don't speak up as often as I should, however, when it comes to my son I never hesitate to do so when needed. Babies can't speak for themselves and children who can, don't always know what is best for them, so I feel it is important to me as a parent to speak up and represent my son's best interests whenever necessary. Sometimes doing so can cause confrontation, but it comes with the territory.
Procrastination is the root of all evil! Last night I found myself outdoors, fresh out of the shower, switching my son's car seat from one car over to the other. In the early days, I would have brushed it off figuring I'd just do it in the morning. I've learned my lesson here the hard way, however, and have resolved myself to not procrastinating. It is much easier to take care of something the moment it comes up (whenever possible) rather than trying to get everything done all at the same time (usually at the last minute).
It never stops being surreal. At least not in the first year. I still have moments when I stop and remind myself that the beautiful boy I'm cuddling is MY SON, grown in MY BELLY, made with love by MY HUSBAND AND MYSELF! He's ours for keeps and I still can't believe it!
Priorities will change. This is something I had always anticipated to be true, but it becomes more true everyday. Keeping to my son's schedule is more important to me than making it to an event. Sleep is more important than that show on TV. Spending my spare time with my son is more important than spending it doing anything else. Some things that seemed important before baby just naturally end up at the bottom of the totem pole after baby.
Accountability. I hold myself accountable for knowing how many diapers my son uses each day (4-6) for knowing what changes the AAP makes to their recommendations, for knowing what milestones my son might achieve from month to month, for making sure his needs are met when he isn't with me, for making sure he gets a good night's sleep, for making sure he sees the doctor for each well-check, for making sure he gets enough attention, for making sure he has good influences in his life, for making sure he learns to be independent, for making sure he grows up with strong morals, for making sure he's happy and feels loved. I could go on and on, but suffice it to say I have never felt more accountable to anything in my life than I do to my son.
Appreciate your spouse. My husband is just as important in all of this as I am. He is a key factor in my son's happiness. He is an integral part of our family. We both work, we both spend time taking care of our son. There are times when I feel like my life is in complete chaos, but there are times when I feel very at peace and I wouldn't have those moments if not for my husband's love, support and wisdom.
Your heart grows as your love does. Before the birth of our son, I didn't think it was possible to love my husband more than I already did, but when I saw him loving our son or taking care of me so that I could take care of our son my heart grew and allowed me to love him more. With each even leading to my son's birth (positive pregnancy test, first ultrasound, first heartbeat, first kick, first hiccups, etc.) my heart grew as did the love. When I first heard him cry, when he smiled for the first time, when he cried, when he said "mama" it grew and grew. It's overwhelming to love someone as much as I love my boys, but it's also so much more amazing than I could have ever imagined.
There have been many more lessons learned this first year and I'm sure there are many more still to be learned, but for now we'll settle with these.
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